Recently, the girls at Paperback Dolls asked if I would be willing to do a guest article and I thought why not. Then I got worried. I haven’t actually wrote a guest article for anyone that wasn’t a part of a feature and I had no clue what to write about. Then, the girls gave me a great idea – which fictional characters would I want as a babysitter? Initially, I was going to come up with a best and worst list, but it was hard. So if you want to know which characters I would let watch my boys? Head on over to the Paperback Dolls and find out.
Now, when Kitt and Noa saw my list of babysitters, they just couldn’t resist coming up with the worst characters to leave with your kids. That is what I have for you today. Here are the eight babysitters Kitt and Noa wouldn’t recommend.
Recently Jackie popped her guest blogging cherry and we at Paperback Dolls were lucky enough to get that first. In celebration of her newest Monkey, Simon, Jackie has given her eight candidates to most likely be the best choice to babysit her adorable little tea cup humans.
After reading it, my (Kitt) first thought was to how did she miss the boys in the Black Dagger Brotherhood?!? While I know Jackie’s not a huge fan, I do know she’s at least made it to Phury’s book, so why not the Brothers?!? These warriors have dedicated their entire life’s to training and spending their every night fighting to keep the streets of Caldwell, New York safe for us all. Did I mention their love for the wee ones? With children being a rare and precious gift among the vampire race, they would stop at nothing to keep your little Monkeys safe. Just throwing them out there…
Then my second thought was “Shouldn’t she know who NOT to ask in any case of babysitting needs?” So, I contacted Noa and we’ve compiled a list of absolutely worse options for babysitting duties:
- Pam Ravenscroft (from Charlaine Harris’ Sookie Stackhouse) While we all love Sookie’s vampire BFF (and sort-of stepchild) to bits, we just aren’t sure if she has that maternal instinct. Like the one that tells you not to throw out the baby with the dirty diaper, or throw him up in the air and pretend its a baby shower…or have him for a midnight snack…well, you get the point. Then again, in Pam’s hands your baby would be dressed to the nines…
- The Omega (from J.R.Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood) This nasty little devil is more likely to turn your sweet little tykes into Mr. M lessers to do his bidding and corrupt all of those they come in contact with. That sweet baby powder smell that you love so much? Could turn into something more nauseating and dangerous.
- Saiman (from Ilona Andrew’s Kate Daniels) – While Saiman may seem innocent on any given day, depending on his bodysuit of the week, any guy who will flat out challenge Curran has a death wish. Nope, if we needed a babysitter for a little monkey or two, it wouldn’t be Saiman we’d drop them off with….The Keep, now there is a safe option, most days.
- Myst, Queen of Mayhem (from Yasmine Galenorn’s Indigo Court) Beware of this ancient vampiric fae. With her stunning face and sweet voice you might assume your getting a nice nanny until you look a bit closer to realize that- yes, those arms do bend like a spiders and those teeth are needle point sharp. Beware: she’ll not only feast upon their blood, but there might be nothing left.
- V’lane (from Karen Marie Moning’s Fever)- The man is beautiful, that’s for sure, but lets face facts, were he in the mood, precious Monkeys would be lost in Fairy indefinitely. And lets not forget, while he may be runway model material, he isn’t exactly a role model… the things he might do to others in the presence of your precious? Not for the under 16’s, and if they were over 16 – better keep them away from this death by sex fae. Need a babysitter in Dublin? Call Dani. She never lets you down.
- Algaliarept (from Kim Harrison’s Rachel Morgan/Hollows) As much as we absolutely love the funny demon, this bad boy can morph into anyone he desires to fool you, so you must be absolutely careful or they may end up like Caridwen. Though, he’s more likely to sale your sweet little darlings in the Ever After’s slave market to make a quick buck.
- Stefan (from Patrica Briggs’ Mercades Thompson) We love Mr. Scooby Doo, we really do. But his boss is scary, the crowd he moves around with is scary, heck, he’s scary! So, while Stefan would be great for a supervised visit including juice boxes and old episodes of Scooby Doo, we’re not quite sure about leaving him alone with your special cargo. He might get peckish….
- Anita Blake (from Laurell K. Hamilton’s Anita Blake) Let’s face it, this woman is one we all love to hate and her around children, in any form, would be one of the worst ideas ever. Not only does she have shifting morals, quick trigger finger and severe anger issues, she also carries around with her a number of were-animals just itching to escape her fleshy cage, the power to raise the dead and what is quite possibly the worse? She’s been inflicted with the need to feed the ardeur. No one knows when these “episodes” may happen and as a result, she travels with at least one man to help suit her “needs”… Do we really need to say more?
In no particular order, these are our eight absolute worse choices that Jackie could ask to attend to her little Monkey’s. We’re sure there are more out there that we have missed, so who are your worst sitter-characters ever? Let us know in the comments.