Casey’s Literary Rants

In which I rant about zombies

Since Halloween just happened the other day, I felt like I should rant about creepy, crawly, scary monsters.  Since all the old school monsters have been romanticized (Dracula sparkles and The Wolf Man will just snuggle under the full moon. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to date either of them rather than run away screaming), I’m going to rant about the last still scary monster – zombies! They’re still bloody, creepy, brain-eating monsters that people run away screaming from.

My first up close and personal experience with zombies happened several years ago, when my kind, loving older sister convinced me to watch the 2004 remake of Dawn of the Dead with her.

“Oh it’ll be fun!” she said. Fun? FUN?! I had more fun getting  a root canal than I did watching that movie! But that’s getting ahead of myself.

So there I was, young, innocent, gullible little me – screaming in terror as we watched the movie. I kept trying to climb in that microscopic space between the couch and the wall. It didn’t work so well for me because 1. I’m rather bigger than an ant and 2. my loving older sister had her hand wrapped around my ankle and kept saying, “No! You can’t leave!” I never managed to escape from the couch and was forced to watch the entire movie. (This is the part where I give away the ending, so avert your eyes if you don’t want to know it.) It did, kind of, have a happy ending. I mean, most of the people managed to escape sans zombie bite and they got on a boat and set sail into the sunset. Then the credits started rolling and there was a little box that showed what happened next. Well, they reach an island and think they are saved. Only to have a massive wave of zombies descend upon them and then it was over. I don’t even know if the dog survived! The dog should ALWAYS survive!

Anyway, after that little introduction to zombies, one would think that I would be scared for life. Well, I did have a few horrific zombie nightmares, but that crazy lady Irony waved her magic wand and bam! I am not scared of zombies anymore. My older sister, however, (the one who thought watching the zombie movie would be fun) she can’t even talk about zombies without freaking out.

Oh, Irony. How you make me laugh.

Despite their disgusting visages and disgusting eating habits, is it just me or do zombies seem to be the new “it” thing? I mean, they are everywhere! I am constantly finding new zombie books at the library (new as in recently published) and then there are shows like The Walking Dead. 

Yeah, if you haven’t heard of The Walking Dead before, I should let you know that it’s kind of a big deal. One of the most watched TV shows in the US. I, for one, sit in front of my TV every Sunday night, avidly watching. (The fact that I hold a pillow in my lap and use it every two seconds to cover my eyes when the zombies start munching on people, is completely irrelevant to my love of the show.)

Apart from The Walking Dead, I rarely ever watch any zombie movies, but I do read zombie books! One of my favorites is Jesse Petersen’s In The Dead: Vol. 1. It was the first thing by her that I’d ever read, and let me tell you, I loved it so much that I ran out and bought all three books in her Living With The Dead series (Married with Zombies, Flip this Zombie and Eat Slay Love). (I haven’t gotten around to reading them, even though I bought them 6 months ago…but there sitting on my bookshelf, just waiting for me.) I loved it so much because Jesse Petersen has a sense of humor and I actually laughed out loud while reading about a zombie apocalypse. Never thought that would happen.

Another fantastic author is Dan Waters. His young adult series, Generation Dead, is about zombies, but here’s the catch – they don’t eat brains! Yeah, those zombies are actually nice guys and just want to be accepted by their peers and family. I think everyone should read these books because not only does it put you in the mindset of someone who is excluded by a majority, but you also get to see from the mindset of those that want to exclude the minority. Teachers could so use this series of books (or even just the first book) in class to teach about equality. (The guys would like it because there are zombies and the girls would like it because there is bit of romance to it.)

I could go on and on about zombies, but like I said before, my stomach can only handle so much. Therefore, I’m going to end this rant now by giving you a little bit of advice. If you ever see someone limping down the road (especially down a dark alleyway) and they don’t respond vocally if you call out to them, run away screaming. Seriously. Just run away screaming and you won’t be eaten alive by someone who is probably a zombie.