Escapist Uncensored with Nikki

Sex, it’s an evil killer of a good book.

When I read a novel about two people coming together or who are already in a relationship, I have a ‘dream’.  It involves an honest to goodness relationship, with passion, with hard times, with humor and if it’s that special kind of novel, some bad ass guy coming to get them, all at the same time.  You know what I hate?  When all of my dreams are destroyed because the author couldn’t make it all happen, and instead the story flops like fish out of water.

Call me crazy but any book that is labeled romance, should have sex in it.  Period.  It cannot be a romance if there is no sex.  I’m sorry, but for me, it just can’t.  BUT it also cannot be nothing but sex either, because then it’s not a story, it is porn.  And while there are times where that’s all we want, hehe, it shouldn’t be guised as romance, because it’s not.  Sex does not equal romance.

I know that’s an oxymoron right there, but here me out.

I could point out specific books but I won’t, that wouldn’t be nice to the authors and all their hard work.  But I’m sure you have read books that fit into either of the too much or too little scenario.  You know what it’s like to hold a book and think ‘Wow this is going to be a great tale.  I’m so excited to read it’ and then at the end you want to chuck the damn thing out the window.   The synopsis promised so much more than the story itself could provide.  It promised an amazing love affair full of passion, yet the characters never get farther than holding hands!  Or it promises two people coming together, getting to know each other and finding love, but all there is one raunchy love scene after another and you never get to actually see a relationship build.

In a lot of situations, in books, sex has become a cop out.  To skip it, it’s like the author was too afraid to be that brazen, so they prudishly created a world where people don’t get naked and get dirty.  They want us to believe that nonreligious, overly passionate people won’t consummate a relationship, ever, no matter how hot and heavy the make out sessions are -if there are any.  Turning them into mindless sex fiends, the author must not have a clue about the plot, or how to make one work, nor do they know their characters.   It’s like they just wanted or needed to get a book out so they filled in their word count with one pointless sex scene after another.  Or they are just that lonely/horny it’s all they can think about and an actual plot is too hard to concentrate on.  If that’s the case, there is something called porn aka erotic fiction…just saying.

The only exception to the no sex rule, is if there are mentions of sex.  Like, ‘he promised to rock my world when he got home, and he did, over and over again’.  While it’s not the best, it’s something at least and it explains and proves the passion between the couple.  Some people aren’t comfortable with sex, which is fine, but give me a hint that they do it then.  Just don’t for the love of all things holy, have your characters make out like crazed teenagers and then never let them finish.  That is just mean and cruel.  Your characters will combust.

Romance should be real, dear authors.  Whether they are lycanthropes, humans or garden gnomes getting it on, make it believable, PLEASE.   Give them some passion, give them a big moaning bang for pity’s sake, all the while telling a story that entertains, and that maybe, inspires the reader.  If you can’t do that, write something that doesn’t involve romance.  Or if all you can manage is one sex scene, with a few details, that works just fine.  In fact, that’s great because it’s SOMETHING.  If you can’t help yourself but write sex every 3 pages, then you should try erotica.  Erotica doesn’t have a plot; no one expects a plot, so you would do great in that genre.  Just please, stop passing off your half ass attempts at relationships as romance, because you are just kicking your own ass by not doing it justice.