In which I rant about Authors vs Readers
It was a beautiful day, with the sun shining brightly down on me. I decided to put down my book and check out the Internet, naively thinking that it would only have happy news. I got on Twitter, started scrolling down and saw AUTHORS VS. READERS. READERS VS. AUTHORS. DIE, BIBLIOPHILES, DIE! BEAT THEM WITH THE CHAIR, THE CHAIR. BOOM. EXPLOSIONS. DEATH. DESTRUCTION.
Excuse me for a second while I say, “What the fuck?” Actually, I don’t think ‘what the fuck’ even covers it. My mind doesn’t even want to comprehend what is happening. It’s like if chocolate and peanut butter started a nuclear war with each other. All the sweet, delicious, innocent Reese’s would die horrible, tragic deaths. And the world would be left to mourn the loss of those delicious candies.
You don’t want to lose Reese’s, do you? (The answer is a big, fat NO!)
Well, in this battle, you know who is going to die a horrible, tragic death? The books. The books! Think about it. What do we all hoard obsessively? Books. And what is closest to you right now? (Most likely) a book. If someone pisses you off, you’re going to grab that book and chuck it at their head. Don’t even try to deny it – we all do crazy things when we’re mad.
I don’t know about you other bibliophiles, but I have 42 books on my bedside table. Plus my kindle. Yeah, I have a ton of ammunition to chuck at someone’s head.
And that’s what happening now – readers and authors are getting to fights for crazy reasons. (I mean really? Why would a reader fight with the person who creates their heroin? Why would authors want to fight with the people who buy their heroin? IT MAKES NO SENSE!) Because they’re all fighting, books are being chucked at heads, and those poor books are falling apart! Their fragile spines can’t handle hitting people’s faces repeatedly. The pages are getting bent, if not torn. The covers are getting smashed and ruined.
Stop! Stop, I say! Stop fighting for the sake of the books!
Because if you don’t stop fighting, we will run out of books to chuck at each other’s heads. And when we run out of books, then there won’t be any books to read!! I don’t know about you, but I can’t think of a worse Hell.
As readers, we should know that everyone is different, that not everyone is going to like the same thing as you, that not everyone will understand your humor or sarcasm. If an author does something to your favorite fictional character, cry! Yell! Scream! (Gently) throw the book at the wall. Call your bestie and rant and rave about how evil that author is. But DO. NOT. Go attack that author. That will cause Book World War IV and you don’t want that. (Remember the part about the books dying and there being no more books at all? Yeah. That’ll happen. And it will be YOUR fault!)
Authors, the same goes for you. If you see a reader (not so gently) throwing your book against a wall, don’t freak out! Go grab one of your authors copies and cuddle with that one. Yes, it is your baby, and you are Mother bound to protect it at all costs. But is the cost of Book World War IV worth it? No. Not even close. Because then everyone else’s babies DIE!
The moral of this rant is: Never use a book as a weapon. Now, please excuse me while I go cuddle with all my books.